Izah

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 18:57:16 GMT

i just fucking miss you.
*sigh*

the 12-year-old rantings.

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 06:31:18 GMT

Time check : 2.14pm.

I have to be at werk by 1.30pm. But here i am, typing away on the keyboard.
Im gonna start whinning.

<WARNING: WHINNING STARTS NOW.>

I HATE WERK. I HATE HER.
I REFUSE TO GO TO WERK.
But i noe better then not to go to werk at all. Im gonna be dead broke in december if i dont.
And december's not the best time to be broke.

So i go to werk late and i wont have hang ard her fer too long.
Ya, im VERY sure my manager noes what's going on.
But she doesnt give a fuck.
And i have told her way before hand, i cant werk too much with that mofo.

She said she'll do something about it.
But she didnt.

LIAR.

SHE JUST DOESNT GIVE A FUCK LA DAMNIT!!
And so, i shall not give a fuck either.

I need money. Im fucking broke. I have no ciggs and i hafta go to werk w/o any.

NO CIGGS + WERK = HELL-OH-HELL

I wanna scream. I wanna run.
I dont wanna go to werk =(

Ok, gtg get ready fer hell.
tatas.

Up fer grabs!

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 16:02:27 GMT

Click here fer the Raya pix babes! =)

ISP Raya 07

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 14:19:51 GMT

Yest's raya was tiring but kinda nice.
Let the pictures do the talking.

THE LEPAK @ MY HOUSE.
It was crazy.

Cruel intention?

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 09:21:37 GMT

Mood: GUILTY.
Period.

How could i actually harbour such thoughts in my head?
Maybe its just the hate, that builds up in me, talking.

But still, i feel crappy right now eventhough u've got ur karma.
Shldnt i be happy? Dance the victory dance?
That's becuz i never wanted u to get hurt.
I DONT WANNA see u hurt.
Afterall, it is u im talking about.

But what can i do now? Its beyond my control.
I wish i could make it all go away.
I wish i could make you happy.

Its sad even after all the the things i try do do fer u is misunderstood.
Good intentions turned bad.
Its been weeks. I almost forgot how it feels like standing next to u.
Maybe now things have changed.
Im very much the same person i was still. Im very confident about this.
You've changed babe.

I shall keep quiet.
You shall say whatever you want and do whatever u want.
Ive lost. But i noe that ive tried my best.

..... i just need to start breathing again.

SMILE

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 14:49:47 GMT

When the table turned, it made me SMILE.
When things took a down-turn on you, i felt the unexpected satisfaction.

Lucky ~~you~~ me.

Nope, i aint a sadist.
I'd just like u to feel how i felt all this while when u said i needed to change my attitude.
U didnt understand a thing i said cuz u didnt feel what i feel.
Now u do.
But i know u still dont get it and u never will.
Self-absorbed. That's the word i'd use.

But i see the brighter side to ur downfall.
U became a better person. Somehow.
More, very much more, lovable.
Like u were before.

THAT DAY DINNER WITH THE ITE PPL.
Sorry guys i was late. I was caught in a bad traffic jam.

And thank you baby fer trying so hard to get off day. Ur effort is very much appreciated.
U made me a happy girl. *grins*

Made a mistake yest.
Took a'lil more then i shld. And now im paying the price fer being stoopid.
My body's shaking and my knees are throbbing.
I wish i can whine at mom and tell her to make the pain disappear.
But she aint a doc. PLUS, she'll never trust me to keep the things myself.
WORSE, she'll never buy me the stuff fer me anymore.
Cant let that happen.

Im in great pain. *sobs*

......when the new month begins, that's when i will start afresh.

Raya

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 15:35:12 GMT

The first day of raya.......
was a dread yet memorable.

Mom&dad where pinkies. Kakak was bumblebee-ish. I was white-ish. And Afie was yellow-ish.
But daddy was the winner. He wears PINK fer mommy!
Aww.......
hahaha.

i shall not post my sister's pic cuz i know they'd kill me if i do.
But their pics wld be posted eventually later in this post. hahaha.

The all-grown-up cuzins. Yupp, MANY girls. only 2 boys. hahah.

the mommy's mommy. haha. That's my nyanyi. She's hilarious.

that's the daddy's mommy.

Yupp. That's about it. My first day of raya. We didnt getta take much pics. Too many going-ons.
And after 5 days off.... werk was soooooo tiring. haha.

tatas.

oh-so-depressed

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 17:25:18 GMT

"We're in london".... or so she says.
I WISH!

That's my, supposedly, sister. People say we look alike.
Beats me. We never did understand why.

Anyways, today was a pretty bad day fer me. Woke up feeling sick. Dragged myself to werk
Werk was boring but time pass kinda fast -cuz i came in at 5.30! hahah.
Break time was lonely. Bah!
I dont know what to write in this post but i just feel like it. Lame.

Oh, and the boy-FRIEND's back and he's gonna be ard.
Im happy fer him cuz he's moving on quite well after his break up. He deserves someone better.
And he's found a new girl he said she's kinda nice. So its all good.
I just miss his company. Very much.
Gonna plan a meet up soon. Its just a matter of 'when'.

Im starting to lose interest in everything!
I dont find anything interesting or fun anymore.
I just feel so slpy and tired but still i cant slp at night -except fer yest which i fell aslp so damn early.
Even my mom was surprised.
Maybe its the fasting month. I alwys feel lethargic during this holy month.
Dont take it the wrong way, i dont mean anything bad bout it.
Its just the fact i cant deny.

And after this month, everyone's going their separate ways.
All of us from Isetan.
None is gonna be ard anymore. Anyway, its just left with me and yani now.
Next month Yani's gone and im the only one left.
Im not staying either.
Life sux without friends around there. Not a fun place to be.

Ok, im getting emo.

Im so depressed.
Not becuz of the ppl leaving. Not only becuz of werk being a pain in the ass.
But EVERYTHING!

Everything's going haywired.

Im going crazy soon. Real soon.

.....if no one can take me on a joy ride or a holiday, can someone take me star gazing or cycling?

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 16:20:07 GMT

Believe me.
He wont come back.

Now it's just you&me.
But why does it feel like we're both tryng a'lil too hard?
Somehow, something about us doesnt feel so right now. Like something's getting in the way.

Like what?

Anyways, after a week slacking, going back to werk was sucha dread.
I was practically dragging myself to werk. And then i heard bout a fren's case. Breach of trust.
~~Once bitten, twice shy.~~ She never learn from her mistakes.
I have no other comments.
Good luck.

Dropped by Nad's werk to say hi after i knocked off. Looked fer Mar but she's off today.
But we did meet afterall. She rang me up. Thickened our skin and had lunch at KFC. hahah.
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH OK!
But there were so many mlys eating so openly too. It made me feel better. hah.

That's about it.
Its just another day fer me. Dull and boring.

I need thrill.
Someone take me on a joy ride.

......when yesterday keeps playing in my head. Have i really moved on?

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 20:32:07 GMT

Ugly-ness.

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 19:09:25 GMT

Why do some people have to make some other people's life harder then it already is?
Makes me wonder.

Is it becuz their life's a mess so they want other's life to be a mess too?
Is it becuz they have nothing better to do?
Jealousy?
Insanity?

That bitch is just plain crazy. Saying things i said which i never did.. I dont find it funny.
Why wld i wanna diss my own fren?
Even if u wanna make up some lame stories,
PLS USE UR BRAIN A'LIL MORE AND THINK OF SOME LOGICAL STORIES CAN?
That is IF u even have a brain to use in the first place.

I WOULD NEVER EVER DISS A FREN. UNLIKE YOU.
YES, YOU. LAME SHIT.
You were NEVER my fren. Youre just a PEST ive gotten rid off from my life.
So get lost and mind ur own fucking business.
Dont make stories bout me cuz i never do that to you no matter how much i hated u.
What u did was plain CHILDISH and BRAINLESS.
U live up to ur reputation. Congratulations.
But its nothing u shld be proud of babe. U shld be ashamed of urself.

Ok, forget that fugly creature. On a lighter note, i wenta meet my bestfren just now.
U have no idea how much i miss her.
I had fun just chilling. =)

I LOVE YOU BABE.

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 18:34:45 GMT

How come when my pay gets delayed, i get reactions like as if i was responsible fer it?
No, i am NOT the one doing all the paper works and transactions.

HELLO?
How can it be my fault?

Ok, u can blame me fer having bad-luck thruout my 21 years of living.

Ive been getting really weird dreams. I find dreams intriguing.
Some gets me excited, some depressed, some hopeful, some tired and some VERY happy.
Some, i just dont wish to wake up from.
But recently, i had a dream i wish it didnt carry any meaning. And becuz of that dream, i feel uneasy.
Edgy.

Lets just say, i hope history wont repeat itself. Period.
I dont like getting paranoid, but im worried.
WHAT IF?

And today, i had to see some stuff i dont wish to.
And tell me again, why did i have that reaction when i saw it?
It was just like the last time. I never change.
BAD HABITS are really hard to kick!

Those people are really fake, arent they?
I used to want to hang with them. But now, it just doesnt matter to me anymore.
Like yest, i wld much prefer werking then meeting any of u.
I like real ppl with real feelings. Not hard plastics with fake emotions.
Get real girls. Acting 'cute' does not make a person lovable.

Maybe its just me. I can never try to be gurlie even if i wanted to.
I swear, i'd fail badly.
I noe cuz ive tried. Im not cut out to be a CUTIEPIE or a MODEL or a PRETTYFACE.
Trust me girls, it doesnt bug me that im not all that.

Are there such things as friends fer life?
Maybe not fer just anyone. Fer some i suppose.

What i miss BADLY...

The point of my life i cld just scream out to the world that im HAPPY.
I miss being me.
A year ago -with him just living like nothing else mattered.

I miss u baby....

Days of my life

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:26:16 GMT

Im in a war. Im on my own now.
Big girls dont need anyone. And big girls dont cry.
But big girls have limits too.
Big girls are also human. Am i big enuff to be a big girl?
Literally, i am small. So can i be and act like a kiddo? =)

Bad picture. It makes me look like im wearing a half mask. Some sorta Batman-wannabe.
And its in Qie's friendster! *pouts*
hahah. Watever. I look that bad in person anyway.

Anyways, its surprising that werking at Robinsons is actually kinda cool.
I was expecting it to be bad from all the things i heard from ppl who werked there before.
But one thing, the place is so complicated.
Bad interior. Funny locations. Weird system.

I need to go on a holiday badly.
I dont feel too groupy lately.....

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 16:44:22 GMT

There is NOBODY in this world who isnt two-faced.
Now that is a statement.

Dont bother wondering why ppl do the things they do to u.
Even the ones u thought is ur fren.
What matters is, u noe how to handle the situation and play their game. But the thing is, i find this game tiresome.
Im plain lazy. (another statement made)

Anyways, ive made quite a reputation at werk. Some noes me well even before i noe them one bit. Ok, when i say 'noe-me' , its all on the negative side. What else is new? The punctuality. The attitude -thanks to my full-timer.The weak-who-falls-sick-easily (is it my fault if im not that healthy?). The.... ok, that's all but that's about just as bad can. Punctuality alone is already an issue. So i was given verbal warning. Im just staying fer the month anyway.

I may not be the only one who cant werk with her. Ive heard alot.
But i can tell that some thinks she's not that bad to werk with. So sue me if i dont really noe how to bootlick.
Im there to werk. Not kiss asses.

Okok..... on the brighter note. Here's the pics taken on Mich's b'day celebration.

It was kinda nice chilling after sucha long time. Shld do it again someday =)

And yest's clubbing thing? I say its very much a screw up. 2 was drunk. 2 was pissed (incldg me). 1 was being very annoying. A few was acting like some rockstar but they all just had the word LOSER written all over them. 1 was dissed and 1 was depressed.
It was a trip i wldnt regret not going.

But no point fretting over yest.
Today was a better day. And tmrw will be even better. haha.
Im tryna be an optimist here.

Fighting crimes, trying to save the day.....

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 17:20:42 GMT

<IGNORE THE TWO GUYS ABOVE. TYVM>

The last time all 3 of us come together was Mich's last year's b'day.
That was a year ago.
- when i was practising minahrep-ism -
haha. Not funny.
Now all of us are busy with our own life, about time we meet up again. And that is tmrw!
IF im not too tired to go. *sigh*

I actually miss those times we all hang out and crap alot. Sleepovers and stuff.
Im gonna try my best to be there but no promises made, aights?
Reunion of the POWERPUFF GIRLIES!
Lame. *rolls eyes*
But the DblO, i think im gonna hafta pass.
Im too broke and ive promised my fren ill be at her party fri. Its impossible i can afford to go both.
SORRY. =(

There, my public apology to Mich AW *winks*
You noe i love ya!

Fakes

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 20:10:10 GMT

It was his b'day a few hours ago. And i feel shitty cuz all i cld do fer him was to take him out fer dinner.
And its not at some fancy restaurant but hawker center.

Im sorry baby.

But anyway, i had fun spending his b'day the way we did. His company never gets boring.
Was just chilling. Everything was laid back.
Its just what i need at the moment. Sick. Im still very sick.

Im still considering whether to go or not to go to Mich's b'day party.
With such pathetic health... im afraid i wont be able to take it. Plus, on that day im doing full shift.
Those people are really getting onto my nerves.
If i cld, i wld just walk away and let them have a fucking hard time coping.
I am being used.
I was too blind not to see it till now.
They're not just promoters -they're also good actors.

Maybe i shld go to Mich's party @ DblO AND Mar's @ MOS.
Maybe i need to party till i drop.

Screw all those people.
I need real people. I need my bf and my frens badly.

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 10:14:32 GMT

New Indulgence : Zen stone plus.
LOVE!
heh.

After years of planning and wishing and hoping.... i finally own an mp3. hahah.
AND
that havanas gold slippers from NUM.
AND....
nothing else.
Im happy but not contented. hahah. Whatever that means.

Been having lotsa dayouts with the bf. Shopping and window-shopping. Chilling and more chilling. hahah.

And its cute cuz noe he likes taking pics? It used to be me forcing him to take A pic with me ok. Now, he wld be the one, "B, ambek gambar?". hahah. I like. I love. *winks*
And i think its about time i tell him to hit the track. I shall run with him. We need to lose fats. Lotsa fats, i swear.

Anyways, im broke. And it's the bf's b'day tmrw. And we're all going partying on the 31st.
Have i told u im already broke? I need seriuz help.
But i might not be able to make it to the party. Im a sick girl with weak heart. 'Nuff said. Shall not get into details.

6 hours more till......

he turns legal -21 that is. heh.

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 19:35:31 GMT

Im changing my tune.
I Love MY bf.

He's annoying but i still love him.

There. Ive said it.

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 18:39:13 GMT

One thing about me, i like to observe people.
And sometimes, what i figured, makes me uncomfortable.

She kept asking me bout what he say bout her. What he thinks of her. what he this and what he that.
Get the pic? She's definitely interested.
Too many praises and too many questions.
Weird.

But he is attractive. In one way or another.
I mean, i AM attracted to him.
Put the looks aside (for some of u people who thinks he's not cute -which i think he IS), u'll see how amazing this guy is -when he's not being annoying.
That's why i dont blame her.

But somehow, it makes me happy. Cuz it gives him more confidence in himself, which he lacks.
But deep inside, i feel uncomfortable.
Nope, im not insecured. Im just a'lil jealous.

IM TALKING BOUT A GOOD FREN AND MY BF HERE, HELLO!!

Sometimes i just wanna shut her up but then again, i pity her.
Im so messed up.

AND im falling sick. AND im werking morning tmrw. AND i have no off day till next week.
This sucks.

AND i cant stop dreaming of going on a holiday with the bf.
Reality sucks.

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 19:02:43 GMT

Its only monday.
Another 7 days to go till my off day.
Im dreading werk already.
BIG UH-OH.

I miss the bf. =(

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 15:01:22 GMT

Another memorable b'day to remember =)

MOS-ing with the people was fun AND funny. I got so tipsy i actually smack one indian boy's butt, while dancing to Smack That, thinkg he was my bf! haha. The look on that boy's face was a winner. haha. And thank god the bf noes i was tipsy and he didnt make a big fuss out of it....

Here's the people who were there on my b'day. Great people which i would say they're such great company. Pardon the faces. We're all so shagged by then.

the foursome.

and the bf.

mar and ijal.

syira, iajl, mar and wan.

the sick boy who still came to celerate my b'day. *aww*

i look fat. I KNOW!! whatever.

she planned it all fer me.

we noe each other even before we met. Thanx to mar. haha.

That's it fer the night.
Im too tired, i needta rest.

toodles.

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 08:00:15 GMT

_{Happy 6}th_{months and 1/2 day anniversary baby!}
hahah. Im a day too late to wish him.

Anyways, thank you baby fer everything yest.
I had fun. Lotsa fun *winks*

Ok, gtg to slp fer awhile. Partying tonite with the bf and my fav gf.
Some kinda my advanced b'day paty. heh.
tatas.

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 17:50:51 GMT

They both should be the ones who trust me the most.
But they both dont.
Am i not worthy enuff?

I need time on my own, yes, but that doesnt mean i dont need u guys ard anymore.
I do need people ard me but there are times when i just wanna be alone.
Cant u understand that?
Call me a loner but that's just the way i am.
One accuses me of having new ppl ard me and i like them better. Which, btw, is kinda true right now cuz they dont expect alot from me. Chillin'. That's great company.
BUT that doesnt mean you dont matter to me anymore.

Isnt it normal?
As we go on in life, we meet new ppl. Life doesnt just revolves ard just one person.
It cant be just u. When i told u that ure my only bestfren, did u believe me?
Sadly, i guess not.
What else can i do if u dont even trust me on that? Nothing.

And YOU. Of all things u cld think of, u accuse me of being selfish when im trying to think about ur feelings?
U have thoughts of me treating u like crap. Well, ure the crap fer thinking the way u did.

Its so hard trying to please everyone.
Maybe i shld just start pleasing myself. JUST myself.

That way, its only right if u guys wanna say im selfish.
U noe what? Im not gonna fret bout this anymore. For all i know, NO ONE but my mom owes me a living.
And that's that.

Im not anyone's property.

our story

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 17:52:04 GMT

And so my day was saved by SUPER SYAFI'AH =)

fuck you people

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:46:08 GMT

Today sucked royally.

I was late fer werk. VERY late.
I got stood up by my bestfren who was supposed to accompany me to get my hair cut.
Im feeling oh-so-lethargic.
Im dreading next week cuz i wont have any off days.
My day suck so fucking much, i miss my bf.
I just wanna curl up beside him and sleep.
BUT he's in camp.
Have i mentioned that im down on my fucking luck today? *snorts*

IM FEELING VERY VERY BITTER.
I wonder why of all pic, i uploaded the one above. Doesnt reflect my mood at all. *rolls eyes*

I cant even smile right now.
Im not a happy girl.
My b'day is in less then a week -4 days to be precise.
BUT im not happy at all. Dont even think of the word 'excited'.

I just need my sister at this very moment but she's prolly busy with her bf.
I need my fags so much but im out of it.
I need to chill but im not chilling.

....maybe i need what i need right now. Ok, decision made.
tatas.